Conversations that Count — Watching is Learning

Two years after her own husband died, Chelsea’s mother worried that her daughter would turn to the drugs and alcohol readily available on campus as a way of managing her grief over her father’s death. A client put her fears to rest. Fourth in series from Picture a Conversation™.

 

Chelsea was only fifteen when her dad died. Somehow we got back on our feet. In the months and years that followed, I never wanted her to feel I was pressuring her, so I let Chelsea come to me when she wanted to talk.

But as time passed and she began applying to college, I was so afraid that whatever Chelsea hadn’t shared since Dave died had been building up inside. When she got to college, I would have no way of knowing how she was doing. I was so fearful that she would use drugs and alcohol to escape whatever feelings and memories she was keeping inside.

One day, I was in the middle of cutting a client’s hair and told her my fears. Our eyes met in the mirror and she told me to put down my scissors.  She spun her chair around to face me and said, “Are you serious? Are you kidding me?”  

I didn’t know what to say back. Of course I was serious.  How could she have missed that?  I just kind of looked blankly at her and stammered something like, “Yeah, I’m serious.”  

What she said next changed everything.  “Tina,” she said.  “You are the strongest woman I know.  You have met the worst that life can throw at you — your husband’s long illness, his death, financial worries, all of it — with incredible strength.  Chelsea has been watching you. She doesn’t need drugs or alcohol.  You have shown her how to handle whatever she needs to handle. Chelsea will be fine. Chelsea is fine.”

I kid you not, I had never, not even once, thought about it in that way — that Chelsea could have been watching me and taking her cues from me.  I’d shared my fears with a lot of clients.  Not one of them had ever said anything like what this client said. My mom dealt with breast cancer. My father had a nervous breakdown. He lost his job.  Mom never complained. I watched her make it through all that and more, but never considered that Chelsea would be watching and learning from me as I had watched and learned from my own mother.  

A few weeks ago Chelsea and I were watching a movie. One of the characters had lost a parent and was blaming her bad choices on the parent’s death. “I just HATE when they show it like that,” she said.  “It’s just such a stupid way to behave!

Chelsea had to join the Life-is-gonna-throw-some-bad-stuff-your-way club way too early. There are no guarantees life won’t throw more bad stuff her way.  But if it does, Chelsea will be fine. She is fine. Just like my client said.

 

(Craving the connection that only a face-to-face conversation can bring?  Head on over to our order page and give yourself the gift of conversation. Have a conversation that counted in your life? Email me — debra at pictureaconversation dot com.  I’ll get in touch to interview you about your on conversation that counted.)  

7 Enlightened Replies

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  1. Manny Kalef says:

    Oh Yeh. Actions always speaks louder than words, and you would be surprised what children pick up even when you think they are not paying attention.

  2. laya crust says:

    What a great encounter. What the first client told Chelsea’s mother, and what Chelsea’s mom realized are beautiful truths. Thanks for sharing the conversation!~

  3. What an awesome life affirming conversation between the hairdresser
    and her client.

    I heard it said that we preach a better sermon with our lives than with our lips.

    When we live in integrity and courage, we set an example for others by how to
    act during hard times.

    Thank you Debra for sharing this.

  4. Mmm-hmmm. Yes! Thank you for this, Debra.

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